CW: suicidal ideation
Editor’s note: Further to the content warning, we would like to emphasise that this poem expresses the thoughts of someone in a bad place with their mental health and that the mentions of suicide may cause some readers distress. If you’re not in the right space right now to read a poem of this nature, may we suggest All at Sea or our range of other poems dealing with mental health.
When you say you want to kill yourself after you miss the bus, I think of days on the sofa, a rock sitting on my chest, my mother sitting next to me trying to make me talk when all I could hear were the voices in my head telling me die.
When you say you’re going crazy after a sugar rush I think of walks to school where I had to touch the trees lining the road to feel like I was still in reality. The numbness made me feel like a ghost.
When you say you are a mess when you can’t choose what boy you like, I think of the panic attack I had in class where I started to cry and dropped my phone whilst trying to escape the room.
When you say you need to be institutionalised after saying something stupid, I think of the times where I stopped looking left and right when crossing the road thinking if I was lucky a car would hit me.
When you say you’re so depressed when there’s no more crisps in the cupboard I think of crying into my pillow for hours over nothing but my feelings of worthlessness.
When you say to me go kill yourself I say okay.
- If things are bad and you need some help, someone to talk to, or something to take your mind off things, please click here to take a look at our mental health first aid kit.
- Samaritans UK: Call 116 123 or click here.
- Samaritans USA: Call 1 (800) 273-TALK or click here.
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